I've been debating about writing this for a long time. The reason I finally decided to make this post is because my friend Sierra (who is also a writer) shared an in-depth blog post yesterday about how she had been struggling with some of the same stuff I had, unbeknownst to me. She's also one of my favorite bloggers, so you can find her two blogs linked underneath "Blogs I Like" to the right in my sidebar.
Anyway, I thought college really would be "the best years of my life," and they may be. I hope not, though. Because, honestly? People who think their life peaked in college must not be that happy now. But back to the whole point of this. The nicest way to put this is: I was disillusioned in my first semester and fell into a depression.
I slept all the time (more than usual), and I knew I was using it to avoid dealing with stuff, but I got more tired because I was so emotionally drained. I didn't want to do anything. And I mean that. Normally, I write one story start-to-finish, but sometimes I take a week-long break, or switch projects temporarily, before getting back on track. For the few times I need a break from writing altogether, I switch to making inventory for my organization, Our Hope Is Here. And when I don't feel like doing anything, I read. But starting from October through Winter Break, I was internally miserable, even if I pretended I wasn't.
And I didn't tell my mom the full extent of it. 1. I couldn't really call her all the time. 2. I didn't want to make a big deal about it because I wasn't sure if there was something wrong with me, the school, or the combination. 3. I had no idea how to articulate what I was feeling.
During Winter Break, I broke down and told my mom how I had been feeling. I was at a breaking point, but I'm sure all the drugs (I had 3 wisdom teeth taken out at the time) must have helped break down my barriers.
I made a plan to be more active, hang out with my friends more, etc. I did all of that. And things got better, but not enough. I was still depressed. I did re-edit The Belgrave Legacy, and got it all ready for publication (it's available for preorder now). I did update the Our Hope Is Here website. I did a lot of things (including being the assistant costume designer for our college's production of Dog Sees God — a play about the Peanuts characters as teenagers).
But I don't think I've been more glad to finish a school year since I graduated from my middle school back in 2011.
This summer, I focused a lot on doing things I love: writing, music, and most importantly working on getting myself back to normal. That's why I agreed to do The Landmark Forum (and subsequently The Advanced Course — you can read about my experience here). And that definitely helped. I feel a lot better happier now, but I'm still afraid I'll fall back into the pit I did last year once I go back to school. I guess I'll just have to keep focused on maintaining my mental health. And you know what? That's not a bad priority to have.
Did your freshman year go similarly? Differently? Better (I hope)? Please share below.
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I'm a self-published author— because being a college student wasn't hard enough! I write YA multi-genre fiction for young adults or the young at heart. I love This Is Us, NCIS, BBC's Sherlock,